Last weekend I wrote about a recent dating experience of mine and how I found it quite off-putting when a gentleman I was on a date with continually talked about himself, his successes and his trappings!
Since I published the blog, I have had a lot of people get in touch with me (male & female) regarding this subject and it is unfortunate to hear that there have been so many bad experiences where older men/women on dates tend to dominate the conversation and don't show much interest in getting to know their date or about their life.
I am of the opinion that many older people are nervous on a first date and this can cause them to keep talking about the subject that they know most about in life - themselves.
It is good to keep an open mind and move on to the second date to see if they are more relaxed and interested in you and your life.
Meantime, it's important to remember that everyone is unique and not all individuals behave the same way, it's understandable that such encounters can be frustrating and one-sided.
This evening, I am going to give you some valuable tips should you find yourself in this situation.
Here are a few strategies you can try to encourage a more balanced conversation and engage your date in learning about you: ☺️
Take the initiative: Don't hesitate to steer the conversation towards yourself. Share anecdotes, stories, or ask open-ended questions about specific topics related to your life or interests.
Be assertive: Politely interrupt or interject when you feel like the conversation is becoming too one-sided. Use phrases like, "That's interesting, but I'd love to share something about myself as well," or "I'm curious, what are your thoughts on [topic]?" This can help redirect the conversation and encourage your date to take an interest in you.
Communicate your feelings: If you feel comfortable, you can openly express your desire to have a more balanced conversation. Politely let your date know that you would appreciate it if they took the time to ask about you and your life. Communication is key in any relationship, and addressing your concerns early on can lead to better understanding and more meaningful interactions.
Evaluate compatibility: Pay attention to how your date responds to your attempts to engage them in conversation about your life. Are they receptive and interested, or do they continue to dominate the discussion? This can provide valuable insights into their personality and how compatible you might be in terms of communication styles and interests.
This last point (4) was the conclusion that I drew from my date - as much as I tried all the points above - he didn't really want to know. He was not nervous or remotely interested in any part of my life. Jacqui B ☺️
My Advice for someone on the receiving end: Remember, it's important to have conversations that are reciprocal and allow both individuals to share and learn about each other. If your date consistently shows disinterest in your life or doesn't make an effort to engage with you, it may be an indication of a lack of compatibility.
Make the effort to engage, they could be nervous and you could possibly go on a second date with the same person a week later and they are relaxed and keen to know all about you....
My advice for someone who talks about themselves: Before you go on a date, think about what you will chat about and what questions you would like to ask your date, keeping it light and general. This type of conversation on a first date will give you a better idea of your dates values and your commonalities,
Take time to ask open-ended questions and actively listen to their responses. Showing genuine interest in their thoughts, experiences, and perspectives will make them feel valued and appreciated.
Embrace the opportunity to learn about their new passions and experiences, and share your own stories and interests as well.
Open and honest communication is key to building a strong connection and developing a meaningful relationship.
A post-date exercise: On your way home after your date, think about how much you know about the person you just met and if you now know a little bit about:
their work (retirement)
their hopes and aspirations when meeting a new partner
Then you have been active in engaging with your date.
If you leave the date and don't know anything other than their name, where they live and what they like to drink - then don't be surprised if there is no second date!